We’ve all been guilty of it. We all have done it, so it seems. But does it make it okay? Your lack of hearing is realized and disappointment immediately sets in. Your best friend, husband, wife even maybe your child is talking with you about something that happened in their day. You acknowledge that you are listening however your mind is wondering. You are just hearing words that are pouring out but with no meaning to you. Then it happens. A subtle dismiss of the conversation or this can sometimes look like even an abrupt '“are you even listening to me?” remark.

Either way, someone’s feeling let down or even unappreciated. Unfortunately this can sometimes end in a silent or tragic way. We were not active listening.

In each of our lives we can feel sometimes like we are being pulled in every different direction without a moment to catch our breath. And when we are expected to slow down and listen to those around us who are either needing our attention, support or obvious help sometimes we miss the signal. It’s so easy to do. Especially as parents. For some, stepping away from our own thoughts and responsibilities, “to do lists” and even worries and concerns isn’t always as easy as it sounds. But when you consciously catch yourself each time your mind decides to shift away from what’s right in front of you, you can swiftly bring yourself right back on course to active listening where you should be focusing your attention. It does take practice. But you can do it. If you want to be good at it.

You can find a million excuses why you aren’t actively listening. You can also throw blame or try to push the mistake on to another for not noticing your own hectic and chaotic lifestyle. However, it all boils down to making this important gesture a best practice no matter who's trying to engage in conversation with you. It’s a great exercise to break away from viscous family cycles of narcissistic behavior too.

Perhaps someone who is struggling with some type of mental illness is sending a quiet message to you that there is a need for support or help and has nowhere to go to find it. YOU may be the link that connects that necessity.

Or maybe someone notices that you are unaware of a situation that you are handling in a way that could be easier or more beneficial for you. They may want to offer you their insight from experience or a knowledgeable background. Humans want to give. We are created to give. We miss the golden ticket if we are not active listening or acknowledging the gift that was intended for us to receive especially if we are blocking it.

When we take the time to slow down and “be” directly in the moment that we are standing in, we are able to not only learn something that may benefit us or support and aid someone who could be desperately in need of just a little amount of our time. It could change the course of someone’s thought process and decision making dramatically. I’d like to share some basic active listening tips to help keep your on top of your listening game.

Pay attention to the person speaking, not your own thoughts

Request clarification when needed

Practice non-judgment

Tolerate silence

Paraphrase

Reflect feelings

Be attuned to feelings

Ask probing questions

For some great additional tips on active listening, visit the TED Talks YouTube channel and listen to 5 ways to listen better by Julian Treasure .

Think of active listening as a SUPER POWER.

Begin to use active listening as an innate instrument in everyone you encounter. As we all really should anyway right? Once we make the disciplined decision to always “listen” when someone is reaching out to talk with us and not just “hear” them, we begin to realize a whole different universe of opportunities and purpose just waiting to be bestowed upon us.